Between Lines...

 Last post, had an impact on me, the reality of our women's life & thier destiny...

Can women like 4 or 5 women living together supporting each other here alone in same house for example?

Women here lives with their parents till they get married, it is very different than west, in west women can live alone, even one of them lives in her apartment from 18 years old as we know.

But do you think western way support women & their future? Or in east women are taking action towards their parents even if they are not married, spending their life to help their parents.

I don't try to say this is better than that. but, let's discuss this issue it's sort of mixing thoughts, ideologies; getting outside home for women mean new life, new page in her life; Do you think women with open freedom can lose their personal respecting?

Or that related to her own morals & what she wants as a woman?

Or women should be controlled by men & women obeyed them?

The interesting thing there are no women living alone here I don't know in other middle east countries, because if they do, Our society & culture will never mercy them, will attack their reputation though they have great morals as we say here "people will talk"!!!


Sometimes, I feel people's power more than religion's & moral's power, but people will talk even if you are angel,Why they have such a strong control into our lives?

Or we should be behind walls because of who we are; eastern women?
Do you think western women are more independence than eastern women?

Then, is it the right way to live alone without family? without parents? without someone shows you the right direction in your life or at least give you some advises?

My thoughts are leading me to another question, do we need to live alone to learn how to be individual & independence women, deciding, choosing & standing in front of the walls not behind them?

We don't want to live as a shadow because of culture barriers, I think many many women here live like that behind the wall, maybe it's the fear or men's power or weakness in their personality.

I must admit, It will take a long time to get our rights & it needs great efforts but, if we don't help ourselves no one will help us!

Marriage & Gold...

As an eastern culture, most of us like to have some pieces of gold, but in marriage it is another story. Some families still asking for too much gold from the groom or groom’s family like a main condition to marry their daughter, some say this is common to save their daughter’s future if husband abounded her, or died, they think it will keep her save, but till when?

Here is the issue, in past in general women were staying at home, and raising children, cooking, cleaning & all housework stuff, these old families were thinking like that way, because their daughters had no jobs, but world has changed & women got to know they have rights secured their future before & after marriage, gold can’t be like “life insurance” & here is the problem in our societies, living without insurance!

In Islam, gold for women like her shelter when things get worse, it is her own money even if she is working or not, I know many Muslims women asking for a good amount of gold before marriage from their husband. In Christians families to be fear some of these families are asking for too much gold & other contenting what groom’s will pay for gold, his ability how much gold could buy for his bride.

I think, recently this gold issue becoming an obstacle for those who wants to settle down & marry, because of bride’s families conditions according to gold & by the way; isn’t just gold condition, some families asking for house not apartment or car for their daughter.

And we should think about those poor families, who they can’t pay for high prices things like gold.

It is Okay to have gold, but too much of it will be risky too; people may know about it & many cases happened, they got to the house killed wife, stole gold because they watched the woman when she was wearing her gold outside house.

Can Religion Be Against Woman?

Do you think religion would help women or against them & their rights?

But, why religion would be against women’s rights?

Religion should be mercy & kindness, support & help women & those who believed in extremism religious & some of close-minded brutal barbaric people are against GOD’s message of humanity, the essential of humanity & mercy with women.

Women are human, equal to men & I want to ask this question to everyone, is there any measurements would let man be better than woman?

Is there any low for man allows him to be preferable more than woman?
Isn’t the time to change this theory about women?

Looking to our surroundings in east & especially in (Iraq) women are living in big prison, or big empty box.
Yes, empty box, it is truth, I have been asking many women this: after your work time, do you have any places to go or do you like to go somewhere but you can’t go?

All of them told me” where we can go? There are no places we can go & spend some time & have fun; we can’t go alone or with our girl friends to anywhere though if there are places”

At the end a woman who is 49 years old told me “do you believe that I can’t go alone to market or anywhere & should take my one of my sisters with me & I’m in this age???”

& she added “even if someone wanted to marry me I should take my brothers & sisters opinions & should they agreed then me???”...WOW!!! What can I say? & by the way, she is employee…

The interesting thing she said “If I can turn the time back, & go back to my youth time, I would have changed many things in me like, my decisions in my personal life but, it is too late now… too late!”

& she said with anger” we were under pressure of men’s controls (brothers) & till now we are at their mercy”

I couldn’t say something to comfort her, because obviously there was nothing to say, she is living that tragedy for years, she is a victim of culture, traditions & gossip environment not just her, many likes her are living same way.

I don’t want to be pessimistic, but this is our reality; this is facts & we can’t hid it to pretend everything is fine, no we aren’t fine, this is not fine at all, if we have better & enough education, open conversations about women issues, our women would have better life, responsible decisions about what they want, taking as models of successful nation throughout the world.

Love Marriage or Arrange Marriage?

How women want to marry?

Do you think arrange marriage work nowadays? Or we should do it like our parents, dead marriage in my opinion no love, no that flavor of longing, caring & doesn’t that seem is like a duty for both man & woman should do because that attractive does not exist; or love can be after marriage?

Do you think arrange marriage is good for each man & woman?

- Here in middle-east we are still working with that habit many families believed in this no matter what time we are living. But, there are some families believed in love story before marriage & woman has her rights to choose her husband, get know him well.

In west, they said “follow your heart”, but, here women can’t follow their hearts not because they don’t love but because they are controlled by family, culture, family’s reputation, conditions related to money & traditions it is like they are going to “war” not to have new happy life & then why family involved in this, Yes, they have their rights to say their opinions but, their daughter will get married, it is her life.

Can money change mentality?

Millions of dollars spending here in Iraq…where it goes? To unknown projects, unknown people, unknown NGO. Even if it goes to the right hands what has been done yet for women???NOTHING!

Same mentality, same ideological about women because in my opinion money can’t change mentality of people, core of culture, not just those kinds of violence that we know, but binding, curbing her rights.

Can she live in her own? Of course not.

Let me explain this point, I’m not encouraging her to take bad ways or path & I will never do that because I believe in this “freedom is not getting out from morals”, what I’m saying here, can culture let her live on her own self, alone, just like man??? We all know the answer; living her own life doesn’t mean that she will be a bad person or break her morals, It is about self-confident, give her “equality”, we are not slave, we are not property. Still we have distinction between man & woman in workplace, why we don’t have a woman as judge???

-Why we don’t have a prime minster from good women?

In my country (Iraq) women had possessed only marginal ability since 1991 & till now, from sanction time, that forced women to stay at home, because no prepared food at market, there were no bread at market! Our mothers were baking breads, doing tomato paste for food, No chocolates at market, we were making sweets from dates, No medicines for sick people, No good clothes even if there were, were very high price & women’s clothes is much expensive than men’s clothes, So life getting very hard on women shoulders (wives, mothers, sisters…)

Then 2003, changing entered our life our culture not that fast but, we noticed that, most women returned to the work & most them are teachers, Yes, it is good skip but as soon as clash with thick wall of our culture, it has been 7 years from fallen time, women got very little from their rights with new government & forcing lots of barriers in their way, why? Simply, most of open minded people (good mentality) of our people had gone outside Iraq, so who left, those who are coming from rural areas, who are uneducated, who are tribes & women in tribes never show up just staying at house & let me say close minded people according to women…

I can remember one man said “Why should woman go to work, she should stay at home, raising children, because she belongs there!” do you know who was? Saddam Hessian, the ex-president of Iraq. So, president of  Iraq talked about women in that way; instead of educating people that women is equal to men  & have rights just like men, What can we expected from ordinary people to think about women if president of Iraq thought about women like that???

Again, money can’t change all that…what is the solution then?

_ Solution is women should help themselves first, then we should raise our voice to our sisters in west countries ask for their supports we don’t need money we need links, trust links, exchanging programs, training centers & last but not least, media should take the role too to educate our people…

Flash!

What men preferred working women or housewives, Or both?

How that has an impact on their relationship?

I can remember very well my grandma (dad’s mother, mom’s mother) were housewives, Well, I can tell they were perfect housewives but, their atmosphere was house; the only place & their general knowledge were limited of course but they were good housewives, everything is perfect at the house from small thing to big one, nothing late, caring about their husbands, food is on the time & they were raising lots of children like 6-8 child (it could be more than 8 numbers), of course we are talking about the early beginning of 20 century when the whole world was completely different than now in every field, but if you think about that time; life was simple, people weren’t worried about how to live, or should seek about jobs, should have money to survive, or from this or that & they were more closer to each other & inside families more commitment like husband & wife comparing to this time 2010. But, to be fare there weren’t means of communication at that time, in same time these things has both positive & negative sides, How? Positive, keep us update to the world, make friends from all over the world, has lots of benefit for our work, calling someone who is far away or another side from the world, offering tremendous facilitating around the world…but, in the other side, internet, cell phone,…ect. Separating us from our home environment, family or friend even we are connected with them by these means, but still sitting with your family, gathering with them in the evening or on the food table (only food can gathered families sometimes on one table!) & talking personally easy than writing emails-in my opinion- just speak out!

It’s like we have two different pictures with different people, yes it was very simple life, very old fashion “odd” one but has great morals, values & I think people were appreciated their life although there weren’t women’s rights but, men were good to their women, I wonder why while people were uncomplicated & you can feel they were natural & humble more than now, more than our people now, we are like machines & we are running in our lives to go up & up losing our sociality life, our family time.

Then again men now wants women working, to build her independence personality, to achieve her dreams & to be an ambitious woman so that she can always feel she is equal & has rights just like her man but most men like her as a housewife or taking that role when she is at house, preferring seeing her at house cooking, cleaning, raising children, giving her touches at house more than working even though they courage her to do that, but man is a man he wants her at home when he arrived, seeing her waiting him giving him a hold, smelling her cooking from outside house door, asking him about his day, children gathering on him & catching his legs, feeling happy because he is at home after a long day ( I think everyone like & want this picture, how does not? )

But, the question is how women balanced with their time & family’s or husband’s time, how the working woman balanced her personality happiness & her family’s happiness because going too much with your dreams can cost you something in same time you want to do something not just staying at home.

The key is how to do something from everything, it is not easy but, it’s worthy!

Freedom…Independence...Equality!

If boy hits his sister in front of his eye’s mom, how we can change that?
If father or brother beats (they will be nice if just beat her not kill her!) their daughter or sister for any reasons, how we can change that?
If they follow discrimination between boys & girls with grades (by the way we are smarter than male brain!) , how we can change that?
If they are putting us aside in the work for example,(but, Hello! We are multi-task!) how we can change that?
If they look to us with inferiority looking, how we can change that?
If they are stealing our right to choose our future, how we can change that?
If they prevent us from speaking out, how we can change that?

In my opinion changing started from home, from family because that’s the core of the societies & we should teaching human rights in our school, we should applying them in our real life, more education, spaces, activities, meetings, involving women in government, inspiring people how should treat women, how should protect women not fighting against women’s rights.

Without women, there is no nation!

Be Wise!

I would like to share this story to all women to be wise when they start any relationship whether that through internet or when you meet someone.

I know a story for a long time ago, which is a real story about a young woman got know a young man through the internet.



As a relationship between them she was happy that he will come & see her to which city she lived at, but they are in the same country, he promised her to come & see her & meet her family to engage her (they were ready to start a serious relationship to get married) & he send her a picture of his apartment & tell her he isn’t married.

Day after day she was waiting him to come & see her, but no answer from him and then she asked someone to go ask about him in his city.



After searching it shows that he was MARRIED & he has a CHILD & he was a manipulated cheater.



So, I thought to share this story with anyone who read it, to make sure about other side when you get involved in any relationship, try to ask as much as you can, get information about other side so you can avoid problems in the future then you will not blame yourself later & don’t just follow your heart & emotions, don’t absent your mind, Be wise!

Fashion & Culture.

-What has been changed to our eastern women during 1970s till 2010?

  

-What was the ideology about our women at that time & who men in our counters looked to our women in 1970s & that style's of life?

 Does that related to mentality at that time? Or the corruption wasn’t appeared like nowadays? Or the challenges take other shapes in this century?

Women's Rights Division

Millions of women throughout the world live in conditions of abject deprivation of, and attacks against, their fundamental human rights for no other reason than that they are women.
I just read that & how much effected on me .. "Millions of women throughout the world" !!
Doesn't that make you sad, just because we are women!!
That's unfair.
You can read more about it in this link:
http://www.hrw.org/en/node/82134

Day Of Struggle!

In last 3 or 4 days ago, I was in deep sadness cause problems every where in our life & women should be blamed, because woman is the weak person & always issues related her, I wonder how long will stand that?How much pain will keep it in her hearts?
Always people talking about freedom, women rights, women activities in the society..BUT, wait where is that in the realty? where is that in our life?
Women suffering, dying psychically, spirituality & mentality in our eastern countries & they are fighting & fighting to get a small part from their rights.
Today is the day to speak out, day to fight, day to be one voice that force all the bad manners against us, or teaching bad morals about us, it is day to tell people we are human too, we have voice too, we have rights too, we have ability to success in our life too, we have future waiting for us to do things too, starting from home, teaching our students our new generation form school, from college, I believe if we are teaching our small families we can get a better society, better treatment, better knowledge to how treat our women.