Daily Doldrums.

Day amid the humdrum of the usual workday a friend came to my office and we visited. She is a single mother of three, having lost her husband to the violent aftermath of the US invasion. Don't get me wrong, I don't know anyone who isn't happy that Saddam is gone but there was a lot of terror and murder and destruction in the years afterwards that took many, many lives. Yes, I don't know anyone who wishes Saddam was still in power. But I also don't know anyone who hasn't felt the loss of loved ones and heart wrenching tragedy.

So we chatted for a while, mostly about how boring life in Iraq is. As I've written before, there's a total lack of entertainment and the difficulties women face in just going out for lunch together. So I'm considering a second job for lack of anything else to do. I'm very fortunate that in my field I can find work, as many in Iraq can't. All these projects, all the millions of dollars, both American and Iraqi, and we can't seem to find enough work for everyone. Where is all that money going? Certainly not to fix our electrical system-we're lucky to get 6 hours a day, and that's sporadic, maybe fifteen minutes here, maybe an hour there. How do you plan a life around that?

Iraq has known war after war after war. Before Saddam we couldn't speak out, had no voice, then with Saddam we had war with Iran, with Kuwait, then the US. I've known war my whole life. After 2003 we had such high hopes for change, for freedom, for rebuilding Iraq after Saddam and war and the sanctions destroyed her, and now we have a voice, we can speak out against the government, but what good does it do? Where are the great benefits of democracy, of freedom? Some say blame the Americans, but even if they're to blame, don't we, Iraqis, ultimately own Iraq? America didn't take over forever, they're leaving, will fully leave next year if we so choose. So who is responsible for Iraq, in the end? We are. And we are not doing a very good job. We can't even get our government to work. Elections were back in March and we still don't have a functioning government.

As anyone in the Middle East knows, bureaucracy is the real king, and not having a government in place doesn't let the king do his job. Nothing is getting done, no power, water problems, no jobs, our education system is still in the 1980's. America threw money at us and the greedy and corrupt among us just took it, put it in their bank accounts in Switzerland. Are these the Iraqis we want leading us into the future? Where are the good Iraqi leaders? Are there any left? So many decent, intelligent people fled with the war and violence. Who is left who can lead us to victory?

So another boring day in Iraq, awaiting change. They tell me I have a voice, but I can't do anything with it. Some say it will take a generation, if not two to get Iraq rebuilt, modernized. I think they're probably right.

But that doesn't mean I want to wait for it.

All This Sun and Very Little Fun.

Another day and I'm sitting here without anything to do. I'm searching for a good channel to watch but as usual, nothing really captures my interest. Sadly, television is the only entertainment women really have and nothing good is on.  It's 120 degrees outside and I'm thankful for the few hours of power a day we get so I feel cool (Baghdad only averaged 5 hours of power per household for the entire month of July.)  But our lives are so drab and boring, even monotonous.
All the luxuries of the west are missing in our democracy. The movie theaters, parks, swimming pools, malls, amusement parks, theaters-even sports stadium for matches or local competitions.  Those with money now leave Iraq for vacation, for shopping, for rest and recuperation.  But for those of us who are just middle-class, and especially the women, we are stuck here, bored out of our minds.  We are not living, we are merely existing.
Of course we can't have such diversions until we fix the infrastructure.  Fix the electricity, the water, the roads, the schools, even the government if such a thing is even possible. I couldn't agree more.
But even if by a miracle those things were fixed, and by another miracle theaters and malls were built, as a woman I still couldn't go there.  In the Muslim/Arab world, women should not go unescorted anywhere, not even with her sister or with a group of friends.  Her reputation will be questioned, people will whisper this or that, neighbors will watch and shake their heads and the rumors will spread, and all for what?  For a woman wanting to go catch a movie with her friends?  Really? 
Some call this tradition, call it our culture, handed down by generation to generation.  I call it cultural poison; it's about control, nothing more, and it limits women.  It has nothing to do with morals or honor.  It is the weakness of men and their need to control women because of that weakness.  It is jealousy and fear.  Men want to keep us in the house, to clean, cook, wash their clothes, to baby them and be their servants. Their property.  It's 2010 and this is still the life for a vast portion of women in the world.  Good God, I can't even walk down to the corner market for an ice cream.
so I flip the channels once again, wondering when this will change, and how.  I flip the channels and see these Western shows and marvel at these women going shopping, going to lunch together, disagreeing with their men and not being afraid of being hit or killed.  I watch these women enjoying their lives.  And I ask; when will it be our turn, us enslaved women in the Middle East?  And how do we make it so?