I Have Something To Say!

"Always tell what you feel & do what you think"

                                                                          
I have been at house for 5 days! , It was Muslim's Eid ( Happy Eid ) & I didn't go for shopping for more than 1 month & half ! , I feel like I'm living in another planet!
But, the good thing is, I have some work to do, so it keeps me busy most of the time which is good since we don't have any place to spend our time.

I woke up today with many thoughts & concepts about life in my head, I just dreamed about my aunt but, really I don't know if that related to my dream or not; some of these concepts are:

-What should I do to feel better about any bad events that I had lived or seen?

-What is the meaning of new life? forgetting the past, deleting it or just fix the mistakes of current moments?

-What is our messages as human being to the world?
-Do you think our people in all the world acting their humanity in best way? if they do then why we have poverty, wars, all kind of crimes & extortion for human rights & women rights?

I think I'm reaching to point, to find answers about everything even those tiny small silly things!
But, why? shouldn't I enjoy life & live to the fullest moment without worrying about this & that?
Does that mean I should live with blind mind?

Am I having psychological warfare with  my thoughts & concepts & I don't know???

My Dream Island...

It is 12:19 am here, in Iraq & I really tired & barely can open my eyes after a long day, sunny & warm day just like every day in this burning summer, we have generator power now, I feel bored today..

Sometimes, I just want to live in island a way from  whole world, a way from here, people, horrible pictures, death stories, just forgetting everything in moments, get lost in my dreams, finding peace in my fantasy world & no one will ask about my passport, I'm travelling through my thoughts, searching for white pages to draw my dreams on...picturing some beautiful images in my mind, but then it will not be for more than 10 minutes or so,I turn around me & listen to the noise that coming from outside by police's cars riding fast & shouting "Staying a way from the road!!!", my beautiful pictures fell & disappeared & here I'm, in the same position!

Happiness for some people is to get money, or get new things, buying new stuff, changing their living place to bigger one, or having jobs or get married but, for Iraqis to have some peace;  when they put their heads on their pillows & fall asleep not to worry about tomorrow, or what will happen? It will get better or worse?

Culture Or New Future?

It is 1st of September & I got sad, I feel depressed, my destiny is still unknown, my future unclear though I'm drawing smile on my face, you will ask why? I feel we are living same scenario everyday; today same as yesterday, nothing better, no future, no working on real steps, we are living in torture, trying to help others but no one really help us back, we are dying in our own place & some says why you are thinking of leaving? what will you find in other countries? you will have no jobs there, culture will be different, life & people be different too than here, you are here better than there , at least it is your own country!

I have heard such these things over & over & I want to tell those who are thinking like that, what is the benefit from being here without getting our rights, our right to choose?
What is the benefit from living with people acting like wolves?
What is the benefit from living here & actually I don't feel I belong here?why? because I don't have rights to select what I want? what future I want? what dreams I want to achieve?
What is the benefit of being here with no human rights? no women rights?
Where is our REAL life? what have done to be just like others in their countries?

They think it will be hard there so, Isn't it hard here? with our worries, bombing cars, killing & kidnapping people?

I believe humans have rights & this is who I am first and I am Iraqi second.

We should treat other people by humanity in first place.

I respect what others believe, their cultures, societies but I will take what is good for my believes & traditions.

This is what they call to be "open minded", always we live in close boxes never accept others, even don't listen to them, I learned to "Think outside the box!".

I'm tired of living in fears, fears from tomorrow, from others re-actions on this & that. I'm tired of living in fear's tornado, killing me, killing my personalty, limiting my abilities, capturing my plans to go forward.
We are raised to do something in our life, give a good message, It is a crime to be in prison; it is a self prison, very hard to explain, but; it is inside me, if it was a man I would fight him, but it's me!

 I am fighting with me?? challenge myself??

We are not born to be weak, GOD isn't weak to create us weak too, he gave us brain to think, to choose.
So, why I feel that way? Is it the guilty feeling? Or what?